will you carry me?

some says that when a woman turns into a mom, she's not the same person anymore.
she'd be older. more mature. getting so ripe on a side or another.
yet, I keep saying I'm just a 'girl' who plays mom. I always believe that staying young is an option for everyone, even more for moms. kids aren't born to rob youth. as a matter of fact, they preserve their parents' youth. are you laughing like mad out of snorting at my statement now?
accuse me a hypocrite. but, hey, I'm a happy mom who decides to stay home full time and still is a girl inside. I no longer believe in "growing pains" or Peter Pan's Neverland. go and try being a mom, and you'll know what I mean (weep, boys. weep!)

but last week, when I finally had time to go to a salon and have my hair cut, I saw a tired and worn out woman in the mirror. and suddenly, asking for a close-cropped hair sounded ridiculous. I was like, "you're too old for that kinda cut, mama." and it was a very sad, sad thought for me. my whole life, I have never thought that close-cropping hair is a 'no' like that day. in the end, it still got short though.
then. THEN, I knew I was exhausted. well it wasn't like I never felt tired. I did feel it. crushed and stressed and beaten and broken and wanting to break free or get a day off (the last two are the most forbidden thoughts for moms - at least for me.) but I tried to shrug 'em off and just go on and roll like a clockwork. just then I got punched in the face by the reaction.

I admit, being a mom is a hard work. it DOES take a lot from a woman - body and soul. it's a loss to play strong and tough. every mom does get old. they do get wrinkly and all. and even though youth and happiness live in mind, moms do need to treat themselves once in a while. grab a cup coffee, preserve a moment alone in a day, go and get a good massage, watch good movies at home, listen to soothing music... it's not a sin for a mom to ask for a slack or to want a break. it's massively human. no need to feel guilty.
so there, I've stopped screaming 'girl' in my head without doing a proper act as it. i dance and sing with my daughter as much as i can and laugh with her a lot. when a woman is a mom all at once, she can't take her body for granted anymore. because it carries more than just herself and she needs to be healthy and happy for that reason.
it's okay to be tired and lean on for a moment.
moms do need it.